Awake My Soul
by Ljwinterh
Summary: After the devastating conversation with Sam (season 9.13), Dean finds himself thinking about Lisa and Ben. The memories that resurface stir something deep within him. Although he vowed to himself they were out of his life, when Castiel appears and admits he knows where they are, Dean is left with a decision - does he seek them out or leave it alone?


Disclaimer - _Supernatura_l and its characters do not belong to me

**Awake My Soul  
****Chapter One**

It was a moment of weakness. A moment that part of him - the part that allowed him to so expertly push everything down deep and only let out in fits of drinking and rage - wishes he could have back. But he couldn't get it back, couldn't "unknow" what he now knew. Dean had let the thoughts into his brain and without asking for it, Cas had then dropped that little bomb of knowledge on him. Dean sighed and let the last smooth and smoky remnants of scotch slide down his throat. He wasn't surprised he had let his guard down, after everything that had gone on in the last few weeks, carefully constructed walls of protection tend to slip. Especially given the absolute and devastating gut punch from Sammy yesterday, one that felt as visceral and painful as if Sam had actually ripped out Dean's stomach. Of course he hadn't actually hit him, the blow was delivered in words, words that Dean still heard echoing in his mind; "No Dean, in the same circumstances, I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have saved you". Dean could barely draw breath without the pain flooding over him. Intellectually he knew Sammy was right, but right now, that was not something he could deal with. Ever since the disaster with Gadreel and Kevin...Oh God, Kevin...another knife stab to the heart with that thought. No, these were not things that could be thought about, dwelt on, or even considered. But it seemed, as of now, his mind had shifted elsewhere. Dean got up and put the glass in the sink, shaking his head to clear away the newly emerged and unwanted thoughts that had surfaced after Cas's little visit when he was in the Impala earlier that night. He walked back to his room; 'his room', he still loved the way that sounded, flopped down on the bed, closed his eyes, and thought about what he was going to do now that the 'un-knowable' thing was known.

This morning, Sammy had left on a supply run and based on the current awkward state of their relationship, Dean was pretty sure he was going to be gone awhile - possibly checking out a few leads they had picked up on some unexplained deaths that seemed to be in their wheel house. God he hoped so. Work is exactly what he needed right now. He selfishly hoped that it was big, bad, ugly and needed to be killed immediately - little research, no grey area, just straight up killing. In the meantime, he needed to determine his next move. "Damn it, Cas", he thought, thinking back over the events of the evening, "THIS is the time you had to 'hear' me and show up".

After the gut punch conversation with Sam, Dean had grabbed his keys and headed toward the garage. Maneuvering Baby onto the road, he punched the gas and drove off into the dark night. He had needed air, needed to be gone from the bunker, needed... needed...He just needed. That's when they began pushing forward into his mind, the images he had banished and locked up tight, the ones he told himself he would never summon again. But there they were, slowly materializing, taking form, and even though they were tinged with an ache, a yearning long since buried, they also brought a sense of comfort, familiarity. His heart identified them and whispered their names. Lisa. Ben. With that acknowledgment the flood gates opened, and the tidal wave washed over him. Her face, her smile, her arms around him. Her head on his chest as they slept. The feel of her under him as he lost himself in her warmth, shivering with the total release and acceptance that came with it. All of this from her, while knowing exactly who he was, what he had done, the demons that chased him. During the most painful year of his life, she had given herself to him wholly and had done what she could to heal him. She had held him when the nightmares took hold, letting him scream out his pain from losing his brother. And she had not judged him when he lost himself in drink, barely functioning.

Through all of this, she had been there. Her strength, compassion and love had reached deep into the dark endless hole where his heart once was and had started to kindle a small spark of light. Light that had given him hope that someday he might begin to find his way out of the darkness. She had allowed him to become a father to Ben. Something he never knew he wanted, something that made him more fearful than facing all the demons in hell unarmed. But there it was, and he realized he didn't have to become John. He could become a father that was present, that didn't need to teach his boy how to kill a werewolf, or shoot a sawed off shotgun. Working on the car with Ben, playing catch in the backyard, laughing during a water fight. The love for this boy, while not biologically his according to Lisa, took him completely by surprise. Dean had lost his brother - a pain never gone - but with Lisa and Ben, he had begun to experience again that which was absolutely essential to his being - Family. It was everything, and he had lost all of it - Mom, Dad, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and now Sam. But here were Lisa and Ben. They needed him, and God he needed to be needed. They had saved him, and for that he was eternally grateful. Just the thought of her now, Lisa, HIS Lisa, filled him with warmth and a longing unlike that he had ever felt before. A desire even greater than wanting to kill the yellow-eyed demon, or end Lilith, or drive a blade through Ruby or destroy Dick Roman. A desire that he could now name - stronger than anything else in the universe. It was love. Straight up, bite you in the ass, never let you go, love. He was never one for chick flick moments or flowery words, but even he knew what this was. And he couldn't run from it. Not now. Not in this moment.

Baby took a bump too fast, jerking Dean out of his reverie. Oncoming headlights flashed in his eyes and the rest of the story played out rapidly in his mind: Sam coming back, the fear for Lisa and Ben and all the things that could hurt them, leaving with Sam to continue hunting, Lisa saying they could try and make it work. Then that day when he was cursed by the Goddess Veritas, and Lisa had said those words: "We can't have you in our life anymore". The fear he felt when Ben called saying they were in danger - seeing her again, the pain in her eyes when she said she was trying to get over him and how him showing up destroyed any progress she had tried to make. Ben hurling the words "You know you are leaving your family" and how those words found their mark in his soul, cutting deeper than he thought possible. And finally, Crowley. Dean's fists tightened around the steering wheel and he clenched his jaw remembering Lisa and Ben being taken by the King of Hell. Watching helplessly, as Lisa stabbed a knife into her own belly before the demon smoked out. The cold fear snaked back over him as he watched himself yelling at Ben to shoot at anything that came after them, Lisa's limp body in his arms, her face pale, blood oozing from her wound, yelling for Sam to drive faster, cursing the world while praying that she would live. The hospital, the shocked and vacant look in Ben's eyes as his mother lay in a coma. The tears in his own eyes as he tried to fathom how he could have let this happen, the guilt consuming him. Despair, total and utter despair. And then Cas was there.

Castiel, arriving in that hospital room and healing her, despite all that the two of them had been through. Dean remembered his disbelief and gratitude. In that moment, he had realized the one last thing he needed Cas to do for him. "Erase her and Ben's memory," he had said. "Remove any trace of me from their minds. They can never be safe while knowing me and I can't bear to be the cause of any more pain." Cas had done what he asked. Lisa had opened her eyes, looking at him in the doorway with no recognition. Dean felt his already shredded, blackened heart, rip into even smaller pieces. As he had walked away, tears found their way to freedom. And with a "Sammy, if you ever mention her again, I will break your nose," that was that. He pushed it all down, locked it up and moved on without looking back. He knew now his one mistake. He should have had Cas wipe away his memories as well. How had he ever thought he could command the memories of her to stay buried forever. He shook his head disgustedly as he drove further into the night. Damn him and his own stupidity.

"I heard you, Dean. I'm here". Dean jerked the steering wheel with surprise as he looked over at Cas, who was now sitting in the front seat next to him. "What the hell, Cas! I told you not to do that! I almost drove off the road!" Dean exclaimed angrily. "I know you're glad to have some of your angel mojo back but seriously, why are you here? I wasn't praying for you. Has your angel radio finally gone on the fritz?"

Cas looked over at him calmly, noticing the haggard and aggravated look on his face. It was obvious Dean hadn't been sleeping, and based on what Cas HAD picked up on 'angel radio', as Dean called it, he was in a bad way. Dean may not have been consciously praying, but his soul had been screaming out an SOS that cut through any static caused by the angel war. He was always in tune to Dean's "frequency", and was used to the white noise that was constantly present when Dean felt anger, guilt, fear or the onslaught of all the other emotions the hunter had buried deep. But this sub-conscious call for help was undeniable...and different. Cas knew what it sounded like when something had happened to Sam. This wasn't it. This was coming from deep within Dean's soul. A place that hadn't been awake for a long time and Cas knew it. He knew it better than Dean could know it himself. It was the reason Cas would never have agreed to wipe Dean's mind of Lisa and Ben - even if Dean had asked. It was the cry of a soul that needed to be awakened; that needed to be reunited. Knowing what he did about the state of affairs between the brothers, Cas knew it needed to be now.

Dean frowned. He had absolutely NOT called for Cas...well, at least not intentionally. Whatever Cas was responding to, he damn well didn't relish the prospect of being dragged into a conversation about it. Just thinking about Lisa was dangerous enough, talking about her with Cas? Hell no . "Please tell me you're here to take me to a renegade angel that needs its ass kicked," Dean retorted. "Cause son of a bitch, Cas, I really need to do some smiting, like right now." Cas started to reply but Dean quickly cut him off, "And if you mention Sam's name, the angel I'm going to smite is you."

Cas looked back at Dean and frowned "There will be no smiting, Dean, that's not what we're doing here. As for Sam, even I know that it's a topic you'd rather not discuss based on what's been going on with the two of you lately,. Although...maybe if you..." "Enough!" Dean snapped, before Cas could continue. "I said we aren't going to talk about it, and I wasn't kidding!" "Very well then, no Sam for now," Cas replied and stared out the window. "Ok then." Dean said under his breath, taking a sideways glance at Cas. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Sitting in silence with Cas gazing out the window, interspersed with looking at him, was unsettling. "I know where they are." Cas said softly after a few moments. Dean froze.

"What did you just say?" The tension in Dean's voice was palpable. "I hope you are NOT talking about what I think you are talking about." Dean said grimly. Cas looked at Dean. "If what you think I'm talking about is Lisa and Ben, then yes, I am talking about what you think I am talking about." Dean groaned and pulled the car over. He didn't trust himself to be driving right now, afraid he would slam Baby into a tree, on the side that happened to be carrying a fallen angel. Turning the key, Baby grew silent and the air around them echoed with the sound of crickets. In a quiet voice, Dean replied "Ok Cas, you win. Just say what you came here to say."

Cas looked over at Dean and was thankful for his recent time as a human. It meant he could better gauge what Dean was feeling, and could proceed with a gentleness that wouldn't have been possible before. "I've kept an eye on them over the last few years - well, that is when I wasn't thinking I could be God, or filled with Leviathans, exploding in a lake or inadvertently helping Metatron expel all the angels from Heaven". Dean couldn't help but chuckle. That was vintage Cas. He continued, "I know how important they were - are - to you Dean, and I know the part I played in causing them - and you - pain. It was important to me that they were looked after. And I knew that there would be a day when we would have this conversation. That day is today. Whether you think you want to know or not, I am telling you that they are living not far from here. They are well. Ben is in high school and a good kid. Tomorrow night he will be the starting quarterback when his high school takes on a division rival. Lisa will be there, by herself, cheering him on." Dean stared straight ahead. Just like that he now knew the un-knowable thing - where they were. What they were doing and where they would both be in less than 12 hours. Dean said nothing. His thoughts were racing, his heart pounding and he wasn't thinking about Sam or Kevin or Gadreel. Only Lisa.

"Dean, this is something you needed to know." Cas said gently, looking over at his friend. He could see the internal battle Dean was waging written all over his face. "What you do with this knowledge is entirely up to you. I can tell you that their memories are still wiped clean, I've not done anything to change that. Ben attends Our Lady of The Angels High School and..." Cas stopped abruptly as a shout of laughter escaped from Dean. "Are you freaking kidding me? Our Lady of The Angels? That's the name of his high school? Of all the..." Dean trailed off, raking his hand through his hair, realizing he was laughing for the first time in ages. "I can see why you might think that was funny, Dean, but it is the name of the school." For once, Cas actually recognized the irony and smiled himself. As Dean looked over at him, the trace of a smile still visible, Cas continued "Dean, I think it is time for you to make a visit to Our Lady of The Angels. Let yourself have this. You might not realize it, but it is exactly what you need right now." Before Dean could reply there was a whoosh of air and Cas was gone, leaving him alone in the darkness.

**Chapter Two**

Lisa brushed the piece of hair - that one stray that always seemed to escape from her ponytail - back behind her ears. She whisked the dishes off the table and into the sink - Ben had inhaled his dinner in his flurry to get back to school for the game. She quietly hummed along to the Mumford and Sons song that played in the background on her iPod. _'How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes; I struggle to find any truth in your lies_'... She really did love this song - Awake My Soul - it was why she had downloaded the album in the first place. It was admittedly an odd choice for her, she was fully a classic rock girl, always was and always would be. But this song struck a chord, and she actually enjoyed the departure from Zeppelin and AC/DC that usually wailed forth from her iPod. Kitchen tidied, she grabbed a beer and sat down to enjoy a quiet moment before heading to the game. She took a long swig and sighed...life was good. Ben was in a great place, and in many respects, so was she. It still seemed strange that only a few years ago, she was waking from a coma, almost losing her life in that freak car accident. She took another swig as her mind drifted back to that day, as it often did when she found herself alone with her thoughts. The moment she had opened her eyes and saw Ben at the foot of her hospital bed - not sure where she was or what had happened. Not able to recall the accident at all, then or now, she remembered seeing the look of absolute relief on Ben's face and then, as she glanced over to the doorway, him.

She could see it clearly. He was standing there looking in at them. In her confusion she wasn't sure why he was there. He said very little, only that he was the one that had hit them; had lost control for a moment but was glad they were ok. It was strange, the feeling that came over her when he spoke. She obviously did not know him, but yet...there was something...something in his eyes as he looked at her. He had said how sorry he was and told Ben to look after his mom. She was struck by the depth of emotion she saw, lying just below the surface of those green eyes, emotion that felt deeper than it should have, given the fact he was a total stranger. Remorse for hitting them was one thing, but this, this seemed like something so much more. He was deeply attractive - the kind of attractive that was like looking into the sun. She had been unable to look away. The exchange lasted no more than a minute or two and then he was turning to leave. She could've sworn she saw him blink back tears that looked ready to spill out, but then his back was to her and he was striding away. Why was there a palpable ache when he left? It made no sense and she had chalked it up to the wooziness caused from just waking from a coma.

Thinking back over the events of that day, there was another presence she had felt in the hospital that night. It was more of a sensation, really, a vaguely remembered touch on her forehead that filled her body with such intense warmth. There had been darkness, followed by the warmth, her eyes opened and she was back. According to the doctors, her waking from the coma had been somewhat of a miracle based on the state she had been in. It's tough to believe in miracles and guardian angels these days but who knows, she had returned to Ben and for that she was thankful. She continued to feel that same presence off and on during the next few years. She had always believed in God and His Holy Host; a Catholic upbringing saw to that. Even if she considered herself lapsed at best, and hadn't spent much time in Church over the last 15 years, she was always comforted by the knowledge there was something bigger out there, something unseen that watched over her. She also believed that while there was good in the world, evil also lurked in the shadows. Somehow she instinctively knew that the horrors of nightmares, as unbelievable as it may seem, were most likely real.

That presence she had sensed in the hospital was with her again when she returned home after being discharged, and again, when she had realized, for reasons she couldn't quite put her finger on, she could no longer stand to be in that house. She felt guided when she was looking for a new beginning and decided to head back to the Midwest, somehow ending up in Manhattan, Kansas. Time had flown by and she and Ben were both settled into their new lives. They never talked about the accident, or much about the time that preceded it, which was strange she knew, but there was just something that always seemed off when she tried to revisit that part of her memories.

There was a gentle hum as her phone vibrated, and Lisa realized she had been lost in her thoughts longer than she had intended. She glanced down at the text that had just come in, "Holy shit," she thought, "I'm going to be late if I don't get a move on." She took one last drink of her beer and jumped up to get ready for the game. She was going solo tonight because Matt, whom she had been dating recently, had started to get on her nerves. She planned to tell him it was over as soon as he was back from his business trip. As she changed into her Our Lady Of The Angels sweatshirt - the one with Ben's number on the back - she wondered why she couldn't seem to form a lasting connection with any of the men she had been with. She had dated on and off over the years and attempted to settle into a relationship with someone stable and 'respectable' but her type had always been bad boys, renegades, the ones that gave you a wild ride but left quickly, usually with a piece of your heart. Someone like Ben's father, whom had never been in her life exactly, but had given her an amazing weekend followed by the amazing gift of her son. That reckless abandon was obviously not what she wanted for Ben, and since the car accident she had only been with a few men, none of whom seemed to fit. She wasn't sure what was missing, but somehow she just knew there was...something...someone...just out of reach, and that was what she needed. She felt an ache, deep in her soul, an ache that seemed entirely too specific - which was impossible, but yet, there it was. With the ache, always the image of him, in the doorway of the hospital, turning to leave. Enough, she told herself sternly, tonight is about Ben. And with that she grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

**Chapter Three**

Dean had known what he was going to do. Almost from the moment Cas had said, "I know where they are." Even though he had tried to fool himself into thinking he needed to "figure it out," he already knew what he would do next. He was going to that football game. Our Lady of the Angels was in Manhattan, only about a two hour drive east from the bunker - and not far from Lawrence. He suspected that Cas had somehow had a hand in that. Lisa now living half way between the Men of Letters bunker and Lawrence was too much of a coincidence. Regardless of what, or whom had brought them there, they were close by. He had vowed never to think of them, never to even consider the possibility of seeing them, her, again. Past is past, what's done is done. People get hurt around you. Let it be. All things he had steadfastly resolved. But, son of a bitch, he needed this. He was more vulnerable now than he had been in years. Since the day he watched Sam, as Lucifer's meat suit, throw himself into the pit to avoid the apocalypse. That time, he had wound up on Lisa's doorstep, a mess, and it had all begun. That fleeting moment when things might have been different. "Let yourself have this, it is exactly what you need right now," he heard Cas's voice in his head. He wasn't going to argue with his friend. This time, he was going to just go with it. He scribbled a quick note for Sam and hit the road. Carry On Wayward Son was playing on the radio and he found himself singing along - "_there'll be peace when you are done; lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more_". God he hoped those lyrics were true.

It was too late to turn back now, the neon sign for Our Lady of the Angels High School glowed up ahead and he could already hear the muffled sounds of a normal life drifting through the window - a Friday night high school football game. He guided Baby into the parking lot and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

As he stepped out into the crisp air of a Kansas autumn night, he went over it again in his head. Shit, Dean, he thought to himself, You've faced down the worst monsters of hell, killed an archangel, been to hell and survived purgatory and you're nervous about seeing some chick at a football game? Get a freaking grip, man. He smirked as he thought about the incongruity of it all. She doesn't know who you are. You're just some random dude hanging out at a high school, which, admittedly, is a little bit creepy. He smiled, bemused, as he realized he would probably be the guy Sam would be hunting if this were a case: loner type in flannel and a leather jacket, staring creepily at a woman from afar. Let's just hope this place is hunter free, he thought ruefully.

As he approached the entrance gate he tamped down his nerves and tried to get his expectations in check. The plan was just to see her, even from a distance, to see for himself that she was ok. To see that smile light up her face, maybe catch the sound of her laugh. To see Ben, growing up without a father, but handling it well, and doing his thing on the football field. To feel for a moment the pride a normal father might feel when his son throws a fantastic pass or avoids a sack to get the first down. He could live on memories like these and maybe even replace the ones that haunted him. Get him through the pain he knew was in store for him as he and Sam tried to salvage their relationship, fix what was broken. Just something to bring back a moment of lightness in the darkness that was his life. That's all he was looking for, he told himself. That will be enough. With that, he paid the ticket taker and walked onto the track that surrounded the field and headed toward the home stands.

Dean was standing off to the side, leaning against the fence where he had a good vantage point of both the field and the stands. Close enough, but not too close. He was, after all, a pro at surveillance. Within minutes, he found himself immersed in the action on the field. Ben was really good! The 25 yard pass he had just completed was a tight spiral that made Dean nod with a true appreciation of this kid - a kid that had once almost called him dad. He looked on, with a smile on his face, remembering back to Ben's eighth birthday, the first time he even knew the kid existed. He had watched him charming the girls and rocking out to AC/DC on his headphones, looking like a mini-Dean if there ever was one. He still found it hard to believe that he wasn't his, as similar as they were even back then. Dean always thought Lisa might've been wrong about that. Dean never really had moments like this with his own father. But as he watched Ben, he swelled with pride and relished the moment of feeling like a dad.

**Chapter Four**

It was a clear night with a chill in the air, as Lisa sat by herself on the far side of the home stands. She didn't see any of the other moms she now called her friends, and given her mood, she was content to sit a bit removed from the general hubbub of the cheering crowd. Ben was playing great tonight and she jumped to her feet as he completed another beautiful pass that went for 25 yards. As she sat back down, she felt that presence again. It seemed odd that she sensed it here at a random football game, but then again, this had been a weird day - what with her walk down memory lane before getting here. "Whatever," she thought, blowing on her hands to keep them warm. Her mind lingered on the memory of him again, and she was glad that just then, Ben had broken a tackle to get the five yards needed for the first down. "Focus, damn it," she scolded herself, "this is about Ben!" She then let out a loud whoop, as the mother of the star quarterback should.

Just then, Ben broke a tackle to get the first down. In the stands Dean could hear someone let out a loud whoop. He froze. He knew that voice. Crazy to think he could pick it out, but it had happened before the rest of the fans had started to cheer. For a moment he closed his eyes. He had purposefully not been scanning the crowd, wanting to experience the joy of watching Ben play and besides, it was a freaking good game. But now he felt it. He took a deep breath and looked out over the stands. His eyes began searching from the far end, up and down, looking for the one familiar face he knew would be there. As his eyes raked over the crowd, pausing on anyone that had dark hair, he felt his heart beating faster. Ha, he thought, if there were a lycanthrope in the vicinity, it would confuse his beating heart, as loudly as it was now beating, with a bass drum.. And then, just as his eyes were reaching the end of the bleachers, sitting slightly apart from the rest, he saw her. His heart stopped cold. In that moment there seemed to be nothing else around him. Just her. Lisa. Filling his eyes, his mind, his heart. As powerful a sensation as when he saw Sammy in that cabin, back from the pit. The feeling almost brought him to his knees. Damn it, he thought. How could simply looking at her be enough?

Way to go Ben!" Lisa yelled and raised her fist into the air. What a fantastic play! She was caught up in the moment of that improbable run for the first down. She heard the crowd cheering and smiled with the pride of a mother. She glanced around and her eyes were drawn to a lone figure standing just off to the side by the fence. As she looked at the figure, she felt that familiar ache. Puzzled, she stared more intently to catch a glimpse of his face more closely. It was like looking into the sun. Oh my God, it's him! She felt weak in the knees. But how could that be? It made no sense. The stranger that had hit her car, and stood in her hospital doorway could not possibly be at this football game! Their eyes met and held, her brown ones meeting his emerald ones. Everything around her seemed to fade away. Deep within her soul she felt the ache of familiarity. He turned his head and their eyes broke contact. When his eyes left hers she felt an emptiness inside.

Unseen by everyone, Castiel stood in the stands watching what was unfolding. He knew Lisa had sensed him, as she always did when he would check in on her. Of all the things that he had done over the years that involved the Winchesters, most of it with good intentions but disastrous outcomes, this was the one thing that was pure. He had agreed to honor Dean's request back in the hospital that day. He knew he owed it to him, despite thinking Dean wasn't in the right state of mind to make such a decision for another person - a habit Dean had returned to recently. But he hadn't quite told Dean everything when he said that Lisa's memory had remained blank. On the face of it, it was true, but he had held back that when love was involved, you couldn't simply wipe it out of existence. The memories, yes, but the soul, the soul was a different matter. The echo of Dean that remained in Lisa's soul could not be removed. She wouldn't know what it was, only knowing there was an ache, a feeling, something deep down that would sense their connection. She would always be drawn to him. Her soul knew his. Cas smiled to himself. Dean would never have come if he had known this. He would have fought him, demanded a way to remove even that trace of him from her life, thinking it was best for everyone. "The angel knows best in this, my friend." He thought as he looked over at Dean. Realizing he was turning to leave, Cas shook his head slightly "Not yet, Dean, this isn't the end of it." With a rustle of the wind, Cas was gone.

The moment their eyes met it was electric. There was no way she knew who he was but yet when she held his gaze, Dean knew she felt the connection. He tore his eyes away and turned to go, and almost ran right into Cas. "What the..." he sputtered, "Cas! Personal space! Don't just show up like that!" Dean was more than a little annoyed and then slightly worried as he questioned his magically appearing angel friend; "What's up? Is it Sam? Is something wrong?" "No, everything is fine, Sam's fine." Cas replied. "I was just in the neighborhood and..." Cas trailed off as Dean rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me, Cas? Just in the neighborhood? That is a lame attempt to cover up whatever it is you are really doing here." Cas looked back at Dean earnestly."Ok then, would you believe moral support? I figured you would be here and just wanted to make sure you were ok." Dean sighed, he knew his friend had good intentions. "I'm fine. It's all good. I got what I came for." Dean broke off for a moment as he paused and took a deep breath. "Cas, thanks for looking out for them. But this is where I make my exit. Time to leave it be." He gave Cas a look that clearly meant there would be no more discussion. Cas nodded and glancing over to the empty spot in the stands where Lisa had been sitting, gave a little smile and said, "Of course". The next instant he was gone, leaving Dean alone again.

**Chapter Five**

Lisa had closed her eyes for just a second when their contact had broken off and when she opened them he had his back to her and was talking to a man in a beige trench coat, who weirdly also felt familiar. This is all so surreal and I'm going insane, she thought to herself. This afternoon I'm thinking about him and, bam, he's at Ben's football game? She gave her head a shake. In that moment she resolved that he was not walking away before she had a chance to see if it was really him, the man from the hospital that she had thought about so often. She felt a bit reckless as she hurried down the stands and starting walking toward them. She had to know. She had no idea what she was going to say or if she was even going to actually say anything at all. Maybe just a smile and a hello. The last thing she wanted was to bring up the accident. Good Lord, he probably had enough guilt about that. But she had to be close to him, just once. As she looked over, the trench coat man had left - odd, it was as if he had just vanished. She changed her trajectory so she could catch up with him before he reached the parking lot. As she hurried, closing the distance between them, she saw he was looking down, lost in thought. She was just about upon him and getting ready to call out when her foot caught on an exposed root of a tree and she felt herself stumble, losing her balance.

Dean was standing alone. Cas had disappeared into the night, as angels tend to do. He sighed, and without turning to look at the stands, began walking back to Baby. Head down, he hungrily replayed it all over in his mind. Ben playing, that feeling of pride that overtook him, the moment he heard Lisa. The feeling when their eyes had met and held. Even though it was only for an instant, it felt like an eternity. He longed for more. This was why he had buried it all. This was why he had never looked for her, never looked back, never let himself feel it. But as strong as the ache was, now that he had seen her again, he was glad he had come. It meant hope. Just a glimmer, a small flicker of light in the darkness, which is exactly what he had wanted, at least that's what he told himself. Lost in his thoughts, he started as he heard a noise to his right and suddenly a woman stumbled right into his arms. "Careful there," he chuckled with a small smile, "you were almost..." he stopped mid sentence, dead in his tracks. He looked into the eyes of the woman he had just caught and inhaled sharply. It was Lisa.

Time stood still. She was in his arms. Looking into his eyes. He couldn't speak, couldn't move, could barely breathe. He felt what it was like when he had seen the fireworks with a young Sammy in heaven. He was sure the next time he died, THIS would be the heaven he would go to. He was transfixed. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was just going to be a look, that's all, from a distance. But here she was, and damn it felt good to have her in his arms. Then he realized he had been holding her longer than he should have. He gently steadied her on her feet and removed his arms, feeling acutely the loss of her.

She let out a small gasp as she felt herself stumbling over that damn tree root. But instead of the sensation of falling and hitting the ground, she felt arms around her and a man's startled chuckle as she landed, unceremoniously, in his arms. She felt his body stiffen, a deep intake of breath and she looked up into eyes of emerald green. It was him. She had only seen him once before, but in that moment, as his eyes held hers, she felt like this was home. That she must've been here before. How could this feel so familiar? So right? The ache she felt in her soul was there, but it was different, transformed, as if something had awakened. He filled her mind. Her brain started chanting the mantra 'never let this end, never let this end'...but he had started breathing again and was setting her back on her feet. He slowly removed his arms and she yearned for him to put them back around her. She looked up at him, and smiled. "Thanks for the save," she said lightly. The smile he gave her back was dazzling. It reached all the way to his eyes, pure and genuine, the warmth of it radiated like the sun. "My pleasure," he murmured back. She knew then that whatever had happened with the accident, the hospital, all of it was irrelevant. She had no interest in revisiting that time. For whatever reason he was standing here in front of her was enough. She felt it in her soul. Brushing her hair back behind her ear, still smiling, she simply said, "I'm Lisa".

In that smile Dean could see every other time she had smiled at him. From that unforgettable, "bendy" weekend that had started it all to the last weak smile she had given him from her hospital bed. It filled his senses. The rest didn't matter. He knew she recognized him from that day but it felt like she recognized so much more, which was impossible. When she simply said her name, it was clear they were not going to do the "hey, don't I know you from" game. No reason to refocus on that awful day. That day, without her knowing it, he had quietly ripped out his heart and walked away. Past was past. They were here in this moment. His soul felt like it had awakened. All in his world was not darkness and death and loss. He was worthy of one thing, the smile of this woman. And that was enough. "I'm Dean," he said back, softly.

Cas smiled to himself, as he witnessed the reawakening of their souls. He knew that if Chuck were here to write what happened next, it would be them lingering for longer than they should've, then turning and walking away. Now was not yet the time for them. They would both sense it. Dean's journey was not finished. He was still a hunter, and like it or not, there was an angel war on earth and a demon fight for the control of Hell. Most of all, his relationship with his brother was still broken. There was much to come, and it involved pain and death. But Cas knew that having seen her and experiencing the reawaking deep within his soul, Dean would survive anything to get back to her. And he would get back to her.

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